Bollywood



Shining brightly in front of our TV screens in their flawless skins, stars come out to sell dreams, shampoo and biscuits. So far, so harmless?

 

But, evidently, even the mighty can fall. There are times when, in the bid to earn some quick bucks, the biggest of stars deign to make a complete fool of themselves in silly commercials.

 

Here’s a look at some superstars at their inane best.

 

Amitabh Bachchan, Navratan Tel

 

If selling chocolates and chavanprash wasn’t enough, Big B jumps up and down, to and fro in a frilly red folk dancer costume dishing out his most OTT expressions ever trying to convince us the said hair oil will rid one of a tensions and headaches. Ironic, isn’t it?

 

Shah Rukh Khan, Lux Beauty Soap

If you thought Lux commercials are all about Bollywood’s sultry ladies floating sensually in bubble baths, think again.

Shah Rukh Khan takes the metrosexual man to another level flaunting his bath tub sexiness as the male face of Lux, rose petals and all. King Khan indeed.

Shah Rukh Khan and John Abraham, Fair and Handsome and Garnier Light

In a complexion discriminating society, the last thing you need is celebrities endorsing in fairness/lightening creams.

But Shah Rukh Khan and John Abraham do just that in these tacky commercials. How about promoting Protinex instead, tough guys?

Bipasha Basu-Fa Men Extreme Deo

Misleading, silly and corny, one would not expect the Bipasha Basu to waste her star power on an advertisement as dumb as this one.

Abhishek Bachchan, Motorola

The star of Guru breaks into an impromptu jig to the beats of Tamil chartbuster Appadi Podu, thanks to his vibrating Motorola every two seconds.

And while the ad is inarguably balmy and suggests the phone more of a nuisance than a technological need, Bachchan Jr is seriously droll.

Karisma Kapoor, Shakti Bhog Besan/Atta/Chawal

Do you really think blue-eyed Lolo knows anything about grocery? So you can imagine how ridiculous she looks trying to convince us the merits of Shakti Bhog atta-chawal and what not.

 

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If Karan Johar made Taare

• Obvious starcast:
• Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
• Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
• Rani Mukerjee as the kid’s mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable).
• Abhishek Bachchan as the kid’s dad.
• Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).
• It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
• The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kid’s mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone else’s girl.
• It would have one dance number.
• The film would be titled ‘ Kuch Taare Zameen Par .’

If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare
• Obvious starcast:
• Salman as the teacher.
• Rani as the mother.
• Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
• An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
• Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.
• The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that does not make a f***ing difference.
• The film would cost 60 crores.

If Farah Khan made Taare
• Obvious starcast:
• SRK as the teacher (yawn).
• In the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point. In Farah’s version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.
• The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
• To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle, comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbh’s character likes another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! I’m quite an imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two weeks straight.
• The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid in the background.

If Rakesh Roshan made Taare
• Obvious starcast:
• Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
• Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
• Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
• In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
• Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kid’s prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.
• The film would have music by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
• The film’s name would again start with a K.. probably ‘ Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par‘ .
• The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.

If Priyadarshan made Taare:
• Obvious starcast:
• Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
• Paresh Rawal as the kid’s dad.
• It would be a brainless comedy. The kid’s dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from one room to the other and that, in the director’s opinion, would be funny.
• The film will be full of sex jokes. So for example, when Akshay would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia, the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like ‘iss umar mein? par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!’. And yes, the director would think it is funny.
• In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each other. That’s where the film will end, without any logical conclusion.
• And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself making us question the boy’s mental abilities anyway.


By Bollywood Hungama News Network, March 31, 2008 – 15:42 IST

The Noida Police has summoned the noted filmmaker Ram Gopal Varma in a case filed against him by T-Series for violating the MoU /Assignment on June 11, 2007. The MoU / Assignment deed was executed between RGV and T-Series for an Assignment of Audio & Home Video Rights of 14 cinematograph films and for promoting his films amongst the general public to serve their common purpose. T-Series had also paid towards the promotion of the films, which released under the said MoU /Assignment, namely, Nishabd, Shiva, Darwaza Bandh Rakho and RGV Ki Aag.

Talking about the current status of the case, Narendra Sharma, Senior Inspector of Police (Noida) said, “We have issued a legal notice to Ram Gopal Varma asking him to submit all the legal documents pertaining to the case, before April 5. If for any reason/s, RGV fails to turn up in the allotted time-span, then, he will have to undergo a rigorous trial.”

When Bollywood Hungama enquired Sharma, about the section/s, under which RGV would he be held, in case he is proven guilty, he said, “It will depend to what extent he is proven guilty, which will be clarified after he submits the legal documents.”

The court case is expected to commence as soon as the documents are filed with the Noida police by RGV.


By Bollywood Hungama News Network, March 31, 2008 – 16:25 IST
Bollywood’s latest teen heartthrob and the face of ‘Youngistan’ Ranbir Kapoor had yet another debut of sorts, last Saturday (March 29). The handsome actor, who impressed one and all with his acting prowess in Saawariya, took the ramp for the first time at the ongoing Lakme Fashion Week in Mumbai.

Ranbir, looking dapper in an ethnic ‘sherwani’, walked the ramp for his good friend -designer Arjun Khanna. The suave actor had family support too on his special day. Mom Neetu Singh and his lady love, Deepika Padukone cheered him loudly as he appeared on stage. But the moment of the show was when Ranbir gave an impromptu flying kiss towards his mom and Deepika.

Whether that flying kiss was for mommy dearest or his dream gal we’ll keep mum and leave it to your imagination!!!


glamsham.com
Last Updated: March 28, 2008 00:50:04
wire photo
Singer, Music composer and actor Himesh Reshammiya is all set to shoot an item song with the sizzling Urmila Matondkar for his film Karzzz. The song is titled Tandori Nights and will be shot in Mumbai. Both have recently completed a 40-day outdoor shoot for Karzzz in South Africa and Johannesberg.

Urmila would be playing the character played by Simi Garewal in the original Karz. However original Karz did not have an item song for Simi. This is for the first time the duo Urmila and Himesh would be seen on the screen.

Himesh himself has sung the item song. Sunidhi Chauhan has lent her voice for Urmila. The remade Karzzz is being produced by Bhushan and Krishan Kumar and directed by Satish Kaushik. The film stars Himesh Reshammiya, Debutant Shweta Kumar (daughter of producer/director Indra Kumar), Raj Babbar, Urmila Matondkar, Gulshan Grover, Danny Denzongpa and Rohini Hatangadi.

Manish Malhotra has designed Urmila’s look in the movie. It will have pastel shades with shimmer and satin.

Well looks like Urmila will be scorching the screen yet again!

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glamsham.com
Last Updated: March 28, 2008 01:58:03
wire photo
Saif has now embedded his royal stamp in Bollywood.

Saif has always spelt sophistication and style. And now it is his body of work that speaks realms of his diverse acting talent. Whether it was Ek Haseena Thi, Dil Chahta Hai, Omkara, Being Cyrus, Parineeta, Salaam Namaste, Kal Ho Na Ho, Hum Tum, Parineeta or the recently released Race, Saif has punched his mark successfully.

Saif is the perfect combination of a stylish star and a versatile actor and has worked with the most diverse set of directors like Sriram Raghvan, to Kunal Kohli to Farhan Akhtar, Pradeep Sarkar to Homi Adajania to Abbas- Mustan.

Race, his new release, is his second biggest opener in several international markets, after Kal Ho Na Ho.

Business reports have it that Race has garnered a whopping 22 cr in just three days coming close to Om Shanti Om that had opened to that kind of massive collection. It is expected to garner 35-40 crore net by this weekend.

The film “raced” ahead worldwide boasting of a collection of $10.5 million in three days.

Saif is all geared to branch out and explore unexplored territories. The actor has just launched his production brand Illuminati Films. A-list of directors Shriram Raghvan, Imtiaz Ali and Homi Adjania have been roped in to make films for his banner. In fact Raghvan will soon embark on Agent Vinod that has Saif in the lead. In addition there’s Karan Johar’s untitled venture with Kareena.

Saif has indeed hit the bulls-eye!

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Indo Asian News Service
Last Updated: March 28, 2008 00:21:02
The Bachchan family
Mumbai, March 27 (IANS) While actress Lara Dutta has opted out of the Bachchans’ ‘Unforgettable Show’ world tour because of her knee injury, Akshay Kumar has decided to join it, though he will perform only at select venues.

The show’s organisers Wizcraft are now in the process of finalising seven to eight big stars from Bollywood to accompany Amitabh and Abhishek Bachchan, and Aishwarya Rai at various venues in July and August.

‘Akshay is back in the Bachchans’ world tour. But he’ll join them only at selected venues because that is all Akshay’s schedules allow,’ said a source.

‘Likewise, at other centres we’re roping in other A-listers who will join the Bachchans as they perform all over the US and later Europe. In this way there would be a couple of big surprise guest appearances by marquee names in every city, though rightly the focus of interest would remain the Bachchan family,’ added the source.

Composer duo Vishal-Shekhar has been confirmed as a part of the tour. They will be accompanying the Bachchans for all their concerts, just like decades ago Kalyanji-Anandji used to be an integral part of the Big B’s concerts.

In fact, an album featuring Abhishek with guest vocals by the Big B that Vishal-Shekhar have been putting together for the last two years will finally be ready to coincide with the Bachchans’ world concert.

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