Humors



THE GREATEST . . .

The greatest puzzle : LIFE

The greatest thought : GOD

The greatest mystery : DEATH

The greatest mistake : GIVING UP

The greatest need : COMMON SENSE

The greatest invention of the devil : WAR

The greatest secret of production : SAVING WASTE

The greatest bore : ONE WHO KEEPS TALKING AFTER HE HAS MADE HIS POINT

The greatest comfort : THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE DONE YOUR WORK WELL

The greatest sin : FEAR

The greatest blessing : GOOD HEALTH

The greatest law of nature : CAUSE AND EFFECT

The greatest gamble : SUBSTITUTING HOPE FOR FACT

The greatest joy : BEING NEEDED

The greatest opportunity : THE NEXT ONE

The greatest victory : VICTORY OVER YOURSELF

The greatest handicap : EGOTISM

The greatest loss : LOSS OF SELF-CONFIDENCE

The greatest waste : ALL THE TALENT & ABILITY THAT MOST OF US HAVE BUT NEVER QUITE GET AROUND TO USING

The greatest thing, bar none, in the world: LOVE

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1. Guys don’t actually luk after gud-luking girls. They prefer neat & presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, & thn 4get u afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn’t understand you, it simply means you’re not thinking da way he is.

5. “Are u doing something?” or “Have u eaten already?” are da 1st usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think abt da girl they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he’ll disregard all u’r bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get da girl’s attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about u’r ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want 2 meet your parents. Let them.

12. Guys want 2 tell you many things but they can’t, & they sure have 1 habit 2 gain courage & spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!

14. Don’t provoke da guy 2 heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream & hope 2o much.

16. Guys usually try hard 2 get the girl who has dumped them, & this makes it harder 4 them 2 accept their defeat.

17. When u touch a guy’s heart, there’s no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what?!..uh…never mind!”
would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they
talk 2 a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged “umm” or makes any excuses when u’re asking him 2 do u a favor, he’s actually saying tht he doesn’t like u & he can’t lay down da card 4 u.

22. When a girl says “no”, a guy hears it as “try again tomorrow.”

23. U have 2 tell a guy what u really want before he gets da message clearly.

24. Guys hate gays!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about da girl who likes him. But this doesn’t mean tht da guy likes her.

28 You can never understand him unless you listen 2 him.

29. If a guy tells u he loves u once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of da face of the earth faster than girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys’ weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. It’s good 2 test a guy 1st before u believe him. But don’t let him wait tht long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls tht they like even if they’re not that much pretty.

37. Your best frnd, whom u’r boyfriend seeks help frm about his problems with u may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells u about his problems, he just needs someone 2 listen 2 him. U don’t need 2 give advice.

39. A usual act tht proves tht da guy likes you is when he teases you.

40. A guy finds ways 2 keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

42. Guys try 2 find da stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get da wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys think too much.

46. Guys’ fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls’ height doesn’t really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend 2 get serious with their relationship & become 2o possessive. So watch out girls!!!

49. When a girl makes da boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard 4 him 2 let go of tht girl.

50. It’s not easy for a guy 2 let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they’ve been together for 3 years or more.

51. You have 2 tell a guy wht u really want before getting involved with tht guy.

52. A guy has 2 experience rejection, because if he’s 2o-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won’t be matured and grow up.

53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their
girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he’s sweating. You’ll probably see tht he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks u 2 leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come & listen 2 me”

59. Guys don’t really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out da best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen 2 him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe tht there’s no such thing as love at first sight, but court da girls anyway & then realize at da end tht he is wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

65. Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.

66. A guy may instantly know if da girl likes him but can never be sure unless da girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games & basketball, da way a girl would do over her romance novels & make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

71. A guy’s friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage..

72. Don’t be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.

73. Don’t be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you’ll be surprised.

74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting
guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about
girls.

76. Guys don’t comprehend the statement “Get lost” 2o well.

77. Guys really think tht girls are strange & have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them
offending and he just tried to be polite.

79. Guys don’t care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

80. Guys tend 2 generalize about girls but once thy get 2 know them, they’ll realize they’re wrong.

81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He’s just 2o stubborn 2 deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys’ weakest point is at the knee.

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but he is already
thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing
things.

86. When a guy looks at u, either he’s amazed of u or he’s criticizing u.

87. When u catch him cheating on u and he asks for a second chance, give it 2 him. But when u catch him again & he asks for another chance, ignore him.

88. If a guy lets u go, he really loves u.

89. If u have a boyfriend, & u’r boy best friend always glances at u & it obviously shows tht he is jealous whenever you’re with ur boyfriend, all I can say is ur boy best friend loves u more than u’r boyfriend does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from da romance books that girls read & take as their basis of experience.

91. U can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

93. When a guy says he can’t sleep if he doesn’t hear u’r voice even just 4 1 night, hang up. He also tells tht 2 another girl. He only flatters u & sometimes makes fun of you.

94. You can truly say tht a guy has good intentions if u see him praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys’ clothes, and things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you’re beautiful, that guy likes you.

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships

100. ——???? 100th point you should find out


It was a sports stadium. Eight Children were standing on the track to participate in the running event. * Ready! * Steady! * Bang!!!

With the sound of Toy pistol, all eight girls started running. Hardly have they covered ten to fifteen steps, one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down, due to bruises and pain she started crying.

When other seven girls heard this sound, stopped running, stood for a while and turned back, they all ran back to the place where the girl fell down. One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently and enquired ‘Now pain must have reduced’.

All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her, two of them held the girl firmly and they all seven joined hands together and walked together and reached the winning post. Officials were shocked. Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium.
Many eyes were filled with tears and perhaps it had reached the GOD even!

YES. This happened in Hyderabad [ INDIA ], recently ! The sport was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health [NIMH]. All these special girls had come to participate in this event and they are spastic children. Yes, they were mentally retarded. What did they teach this world?

Teamwork!
Humanity!!
Equality!!!
and
LOVE!!!!

Successful people help others who are slow in learning so that they are not left far behind.


Priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses him, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven ?”

The guy replies, “I’m Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York .”

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver,

Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven .”

Now it’s the priest’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest,

Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven .”

Just a minute,” says the priest. “That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?”

Results,” shrugged Saint Peter………..

“While you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed.”

***********

Moral of the story:

It’s Performance, Not Position that Counts

************


A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
 

The only question asked was:


“Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the shortage of food in rest of the world”. 


The survey was a huge failure…….. Do you know WHY?

 

* In Africa they didn’t know what ‘food’ meant.

 


A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, But nothing happened.

Finally he decided to write a letter to GOD requesting the Rs.50 . When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to “God, India”, they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister of India as a joke.

The Finance Minister was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20. The Finance Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thanking reply note to God, which reads:

“Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Finance Ministry in New Delhi, and those donkeys must have deducted Rs.30 as taxes!”


One day I decided to quit…I quit my job, my relationship, my Spirituality… I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. God, I said. Can you give me one good reason not to quit His answer surprised me…
Look around, He said. Do you see the fern and the bamboo
Yes, I replied.

When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth.

Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.

But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.

In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit. He said.

Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant…But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing
roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle. He said to me.

Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots
I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.

Don’t compare yourself to others. He said. The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.

Your time will come, God said to me. You will rise high

How high should I rise I asked.

How high will the bamboo rise He asked in return.

As high as it can I questioned

Yes. He said, Give me glory by rising as high as you can.

I left the forest and bring back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

He will never give up on you!

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