On the Ground.That’s me



A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco. “Mom and Dad, I’m coming home, but I’ve a favor to ask. I have a friend I’d like to bring home with me.” “Sure,” they replied, “we’d love to meet him.” “There’s something you should know the son continued, “he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mine and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live.” “No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us.” “Son,” said the father, “you don’t know what you’re asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can’t let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He’ll find a way to live on his own.” At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn’t know, their son had only one arm and one leg.
The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to Love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don’t like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren’t as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are.
Thankfully, there’s someone who won’t treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional
love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are. Tonight, before you
tuck yourself in for the night, say a little prayer that God will give you the strength you need to accept
people as they are, and to help us all be more understanding of those who are different from us!!!
There’s a miracle called Friendship that dwells in the heart you don’t know how it happens or when it
gets started but you know the special lift It always brings And you realize that Friendship Is God’s most
precious gift! Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed
they lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us.


Why are Indian husbands called “MADE OF SILVER”

And

Why are American husbands called “MADE OF GOLD”

Socho

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Thoda sur Socho

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Socho Socho….

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Nahi Aata

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B
C
o
z

Indian wives call their husband “A g” ( Scientific Symbol for Silver)

American wives call their husband “A u” ( Scientific Symbol for Gold)


Our Birth is our Opening Balance!

Our Death is our Closing Balance!

Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities

Our Creative Ideas are our Assets

Heart is our Current Asset

Soul is our Fixed Asset

Brain is our Fixed Deposit

*Thinking is our Current Account

Achievements are our Capital

Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade* *

Friends** are our General Reserves

Values & Behavior are our Goodwill **

Patience** is our Interest Earned

Love is our Dividend

Children are our Bonus Issues

Education is Brands / Patents **

Knowledge is our Investment**

Experience is our Premium Account

The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.

The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

Some very Good and Very bad things …

The most destructive habit……. ……… ……Worry **

The greatest Joy……… ……… ……… ….Giving **

The greatest loss…….Loss of self-respect **

The most satisfying work…….. …….Helping others

The ugliest personality trait……. ……Selfishnes s

The most endangered species….. ….Dedicated leaders **

Our greatest natural resource…. ……… ..Our youth

The greatest ’shot in the arm’…….. ..Encouragement

The greatest problem to overcome…. ……… ….**Fear**

The most effective sleeping pill…….. Peace of mind

The most crippling failure disease….. …….**Excuses

The most powerful force in life…….. ……… ..Love **

The most dangerous pariah…… ..**A gossip**

The world’s most incredible computer…. ….**The brain**

The worst thing to be without….. ……… ….. Hope

The deadliest weapon…… ……… ……..The tongue **

The two most power-filled words……. ……… ‘I Can’ **

The greatest asset……. ……… ……… ……Faith

The most worthless emotion….. ……… ….Self- pity

The most beautiful attire…… ……… …….SMILE! **

The most prized possession.. ……… …..Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication. ….Prayer **

The most contagious spirit…… ……… …Enthusiasm **

The most important thing in life…….. ……… .GOD**

Life ends; when you stop Dreaming,
Hope ends; when you stop Believing,
Love ends; when you stop Caring,
And Friendship ends; when you stop Sharing**… !!!*

*take care…….


Piece of Cake…?

Sometimes we ask ourselves: What did I do to deserve this?

Why does God let these things happen to me?

Here is the explanation…

A daughter tells her mother how everything is going wrong for her;
She probably failed her Math exam,

…Her boyfriend just dumped her… for her best friend.

In times so sad, a good mother knows just the thing to cheer up her daughter… “I make a delicious cake.” In that moment themother hugged her daughter and walked her to the kitchen, while her daughter attempted to smile.

While the mother prepared the utencils and ingredients, her daughter sat across from her at the counter. Her mother asks,
“Sweetheart, would you like a piece of cake?”
Her daughter replies, “Sure,mom, you know how I love cake.”

“Alright…” the mother
said, “Drink some of this cooking oil.” Shocked, the daughter responded,
“What?!? No way!!!

“How about a couple of raw eggs?”
To this the daughter responded, “Are you kidding?”

“How about a little flour?” “No, mom, I’ll be sick!”

The mother responded,
“All of these things are uncooked and taste bad, but if you put them together…

…They make a delicious cake!”

God works the same way. When we ask ourselves why does he make us go through these difficult times, we don’t realize the what/where these events may bring us. Only He knows and he will not let us fall.
We don’t need to settle for the raw ingredients, trust in Him… And see something fantastic come about!

God loves us so much…
He send us flowers every spring…

…He makes the sun rise every morning…

… And anytime you need to talk… He is there to listen!

He can live anywhere in the universe…
But He choses to live in your heart!

Send this message to those you truly appreciate…
I did, and I hope your day is a “Piece of Cake”!

Have a Great Cake!
Oops!
I mean a Great DAY!


Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication

engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had

never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an

admission into it ..

What happened is – due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in

12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.

But my father said (I prefer to call him ‘baap’) – “I can not

invest so much of money”.(The baap actually said – “I

will never waste so much of money on you”). So I had to join this

college. Frankly speaking this name – BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the
most

be

related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete

your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But

you know, these cricket matches and football

world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.

So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took

4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I

will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good,

thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think

they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be

banned.

Candidate: No, no… I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never

thought I would complete it. In fact, when i

flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus

corporation in Maharashtra ) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing ‘lower’

education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let’s talk about technical stuff. On which platforms

have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my

current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my
platform

then. As you can see I have

experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in

Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet

in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense – C comes after B. So VC is a

higher version than VB. I heard very soon they

are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the

language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is – most of th! e

times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.

Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining

BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn’t be difficult. I know

Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to

dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And

very important – I know few words like –

‘Showstoppers ‘ , ‘hotfixes’,

‘SEI-CMM’,’quality’,’versioncontrol’,’deadlines’ , ‘Customer

Satisfaction’ etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.

1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.

2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not

have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.

3. I believe in flexi-timings.

4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear

t-shirt and jeans.

5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so

as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.

6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term

preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer

US, Australia and Europe . But considering the fact that there is
Olympics

coming up in

China in the current year, I don’t mind

going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don’t

have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our

organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to

INFOSYS.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section ‘Stress Management’
in

the HRD of Infosys.


If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it’s your stupidity.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

I was born intelligent –
education ruined me.
………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

Practice makes perfect…..
But nobody’s perfect….. .
so why practice?

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

If it’s true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

How come “abbreviated” is such a long word?

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

Money is not everything.
There’s Mastercard & Visa.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

One should love animals.
They are so tasty.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

“Your future depends on your dreams”
So go to sleep

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

“Hard work never killed anybody”
But why take the risk

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

“Work fascinates me”
I can look at it for hours

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station….

what more can I say……..


Senior Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch goes to the cafeteria for coffee.

He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there.

To Kill time he decides to have fun with him.

He calls him.

Senior Manager – (Asks canteen boy) : How much do you earn?

Canteen boy smiles…

Senior Manager – what are your future plans?

Canteen boy keeps quiet…

Senior Manager – where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?

Canteen boy gives a cold stare.

Senior Manager – Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch nahi tha…. Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai…

naam hai……….,

shohrat hai………,

paisa hai…………

Izzat Hai………….,

tumhare paas kya hai?

Scroll down to find out his answer

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Canteen boy – Sa’ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai….

Senior Manager leaves the cafeteria silently…….

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