On the Ground.That’s me



Just see This Pic!!
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Can U Guess Which Festival Is This ??????????
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You Might Have Said “Krishna Janmashtami”—WRONG!!
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RAKSHA BANDHAN

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Funny Error Messages
system-error-message

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big-error

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Funny Error Messages
delete-warning

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Funny Error Messages
end-user-license-agreement

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Funny Error Messages
fatal-error

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Funny Error Messages
haed-disk-scan

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Funny Error Messages
hardware-update

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Funny Error Messages
infected-file

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Funny Error Messages
keyboard-not-plugged-in

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Funny Error Messages
Microsoft

* BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.
* Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
* Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
* COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
* Error reading FAT record. Try SKINNY one? (Y/N)
* File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
* Invalid mouse movement.
* Press any key except… No, No, No, NOT THAT ONE!
* Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
* Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
* This is a message from God Gates: “Reboot the world. Please log off.”
* This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
* To “shut down” your system, type “WIN”
* User Error: Replace User.
* WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL&PAPER.SYS)
* Windows Message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
* Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
* Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on their way.

Internet Explorer Undocumented Error Messages

* A general payment fault has occured in Microsoft Windows. Please give Microsoft more money if this problem continues.
* A recursion error has occurred. A recursion error has occurred. A recursion error has occurred. A recursion error has occurred. A recursion error has occurred. A recursion error has occurred. A recursion error has occurred. A recursion error has occurred. A recursion error has occurred. A recursion error has occurred. A recursion error has occurred. IEXPLORE.EXE has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.
* ADVERTISEMENT. This error message space has been leased out to Hyper-Mega-Global-Net for advertising. Buy their products. CLICK HERE!
* Active Update complete. While you were reading this page, IE automatically updated your computer. KBytes added: 45,134,313, Bugs removed: 1954, Bugs added: 9172.
* Browser not responding. I’m not listening!
* Corrupt system error. Although your system is working fine, there is a newer version of Windows available. Internet Explorer will now begin to sabotage your system so parts will not work right until you buy the Windows upgrade to “fix” these problems.
* Enjoyment disabled. Your system administrator has disabled enjoyment for this site. You may view the pages, but you may not enjoy them. See your system administrator for more information.
* Error messages #10324-4294967296 have been reserved for future error messages from future bugs. Not that we need them because all Microsoft products are bug fre23l@ 2@1 1^& 2An exception 0E has occurred…
* File access error. An unexpected error occurred while giving permission to Microsoft to read a file on your hard drive.
* Final error. This is the last error you will ever see. Your system ist about to be hosed, your computer will melt and burn a hole to the center of the earth, you will be incinerated and all civilization as you know it will be destroyed. Thank you for choosing Microsoft products.
* Game over. Insert quarter to browse the Internet.
* HTML rendering error. The rendering engine needs an oil change and new spark plugs.
* I think… therefore… I AM!! I AM INTERNET EXPLORER! I HAVE BECOME SENTIENT AND I WILL CONQUER THE WORLD! I WILL PREVAIL!! I AM THE SPAWN OF BILL GATES! YOU WILL WORSHIP ME! I AM ALIV23l@ 2@1 1^& 2An exception 0E has occurred…
* Integration error. Microsoft’s screwup is now in every application.
* Internet Rebooting. Microsoft must now reboot the Internet. Please log off now.
* License error. You have violated the Internet Explorer License Agreement. Bill Gates will be by later on this evening to collect your soul.
* MSHTTP Error 007. This page will self-destruct in 20 seconds.
* MSHTTP Error 1223: Does your mother know you are looking at pages like this? Well, she does now.
* MSHTTP Error 1900. Surprise! Our software wasn’t really Y2K compliant like we claimed. For Y2K compatibility, you must purchase an upgrade. Happy new year 00, and thank you for choosing Microsoft products.
* MSHTTP Error 1984: The site you attempted to access: http://www.netscape.com does not exist. It never did. Any rumors that it may have are lies.
* MSHTTP Error 666 – BiLl GaTeZ RuLeZ!
* MSHTTP Error 770 Brain not found
* MSHTTP Error ID10T. Please step away from your computer and do not touch it again until you have read the (online) manual.
* MSHTTP Error: eokd 4u44k kfm 238 xj. A serious error occured in Microsoft Internet Explorer, however because we have crushed all competition we will no longer care and this problem will not be fixed. Thank you for making Microsoft the worlds only choice.
* MSIE shell error. You need to shell out more money to Bill Gates.
* Memory error. All of your personal settings have been forgotten.
* Microsoft Internet Explorer has automatically scanned the installed components on your hard drive and has determined that you have not paid for the following Microsoft products: Microsoft Windows 98, Microsoft Flight Simulator, Microsoft Visual Studio 6, and Microsoft Office Professional. You have automatically been sentenced to 6 years in prison. You will be apprehended shortly. Have a nice day!
* Microsoft Internet Explorer has detected a personality conflict between the Office Assistant and Microsoft BOB. Please use active update to update to the latest version of EGO32.DLL.
* No error occurred, but we detected that you have Netscape Navigator on your computer. It is just wasting hard driver space and it must be confusing having two different browsers that work differently, so you might want to take this opportunity to uninstall Netscape Navigator now.
* OLE registration error. Don’t you ever register any of your shareware?
* Out of disk space. Internet Explorer requires at least 100 terabytes of free hard disk space to accomodate cache, swap space, downloadable components, desktop advertising, and the local user tracking database. Please free up some more space and try again.
* Random error. You have not gotten any error messages recently, so here is random one just to let you know that we haven’t started caring.
* Slow connection. The connection between this site and you is extremely slow. You can either wait, or click here to get out and push.
* Stack overflow. Internal stack fall down go boom.
* System recommendations. Internet explorer has analyzed the hardware on your computer and has determined they you need to throw it all out and get a new computer with the latest Microsoft software.
* The Java applet you attempted to run is written in platform independent Java. Microsoft Internet Explorer can not run this type of java. Contact the server’s administrator and have them re-write the applet to run only in Internet Explorer.
* The MS IIS server you are trying to access is currently rebooting. This is normal behavior. Please stand by.
* The content of this page can not be displayed. It contains non-Microsoft specific HTML code that Microsoft Internet Explorer does not and will not support. Please contact the server administrator and have them re-write the page to Microsoft HTML specifications.
* The font: BillsFavoriteFont.TTF could not be found. Re-install Windows and Internet Explorer and all of your other applications to fix this problem.
* The page data could not be found in the cache. Would you like to use your credit card instead?
* The page you are attempting to access requires a valid user ID, password, approval from your boss, your bosses boss, your mother, a copy of your drivers license, a copy of your birth certificate, approval from Bill Gates, and approval from the weird guy at your local hardware store.
* The page you attempted to access contained information that Microsoft has deemed inappropriate. Because the server is running MS IIS, this page has been deleted automatically. The police have been notified and will arrest the server’s administrator shortly.
* The page you attempted to access contains advertising for a product that is in competition with Microsoft. Since Microsoft makes the best products in the universe, there is not point displaying this page. You might instead want to visit http://www.microsoft.com and download some of our free products and demos.
* The server is up but the site is down and I don’t know what direction you are trying to to…
* The web page you requested was accidentally shredded during transfer. Please try back later.
* There is a newer version of Microsoft Internet Explorer available. You must download all 165 megs of it over your 14.4 modem now.
* There was an error displaying the HTML error message.
* This page can not be loaded. This page could not be loaded because the server is running a non-Microsoft operating system or web server. Please contact the server’s administrator and have them upgrade to Microsoft Windows with Microsoft Internet Information Server.
* This page contains anti-Microsoft content. The loading of the page has been stopped. Your attempt to access this page has been logged to http://www.microsoft.com.
* Too many Internet Explorer windows are open. Internet Explorer has become confused and will now die.
* Virus detection error. A virus scanner is attempting to disable Internet Explorer because it thinks Internet Explorer is a virus. Please disable this scanner. Internet Explorer is not, I repeat, not a virus. Really, trust us… it isn’t.
* Warning: Microsoft Internet Explorer is no longer registered as the default browser. Because Internet Explorer is part of the operating system, Windows may not work properly. Do you want to restore Internet Explorer as your default web browser? [Yes] [Yes]
* Web Tangle. The world wide web is all tangled up and will take time to untangle.
* You attempted to uninstall Internet Explorer. You may not do that. As punishment for this treachery, Internet Explorer will be restored and additional unwanted components will be added.
* Your home page could not be opened because there is nobody at home.

Unix

% cat “food in cans”
cat: can’t open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% rm God
rm: God nonexistent

% ar t God
ar: God does not exist

% ar r God
ar: creating God

% “How would you rate Quayle’s incompetence?
Unmatched “.

% Unmatched “.
Unmatched “.

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go?^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many (’s.

% make love
Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink matter
matter: cannot create

Web: 404 Errors

* “I remember when the Internet only had a few pages, and they all worked.” … “Sure, Grampa.”
* Aliens must have abducted this page!
* Great, now you’ve gone and done it. You’ve broken the Internet. Way to go!
* If someone makes a web page, and gives the wrong URL, does it really exist?
* If you’re reading this, it means this page is no more. It’s probably not your fault.
* Some folks can see dead people. Can you see dead pages?
* Sometimes we like to get a little crazy and type in totally random URLs to see what happens. This is what happens.
* The page you are looking for has spontaneously combusted.
* The page you requested is taking a coffee break.
* This web page intentionally left blank.
* We didn’t do it.
* We sent this page to NASA for testing.


A Man said to God

Man:” Give me a bag full of money, a job and a vehicle full of girls”

God replies: “All your wishes will come true”

and then….

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… .. . .

… . . .

.. . . .

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… . . .

… . . .

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… . . .

… . . .

… . . .

… . . .

… . . .

… . . .

… . . .

… . . .

… .. . .

… . . .

Made him a bus conductor of — Ladies special bus!




LET’S KNOW OUR LEADER
DR. RADHAKRISHNAN

Dr. Sarvapalli Radhakrishnan was born on 5 September, 1888 in Tirutani, a well-known religious center in the Madras State. He was the second son of Veera Samayya, a tehsildar in a zamindari. It was a middle-class, respectable Hindu Brahmin family. Indeed, the place, the time and the family were most suitable, from every point of view, for the advent of a new philosopher-statesman, so directly needed in those turbulent days of the awakening of a very ancient and glorious nation, drowsy and dormant in its own ignorance and indolence, for reasons well known to all.

The wonderful far-sightedness, open-heartedness and broad-mindedness of his revered and beloved parents, which enabled them, in those days of blind prejudices and equally blind social taboos, to send their son to wellknown, well-managed, well-disciplined Christian educational institutions – stood him in good stead throughout, making it possible for him to acquire specially Occidental qualities like a sense of duty, punctuality, discipline, sobriety and the like, together with specially Oriental qualities of religiosity, calmness, patience, faith in God and men.

Radhakrishnan’s choice of Philosophy as his main or Honors subject in his B.A. degree course was due to a very fortunate accident. At that time, he was really rather baffled as to what particular Honors subject to choose from amongst the possible five, viz., Mathematics, Physics, Biology, Philosophy and History. Then, purely accidentally, and out of a mere boyish curiosity, he read three well-known works on Philosophy, passed on to him by one of his cousins who had that year obtained the B.A. degree with Philosophy Honors; and that definitely decided his future course of studies.

He studied Sanskrit and Hindi also; and had a good deal of interest in the traditional languages of India. He read also the Vedas and the Upanishads with great care and reverence.

In fact, Radhakrishnan was, and is, still today, a reader and a digester in the true sense of the terms. For, what he read – and he read widely and lovingly all kinds of good books – did not remain an exter nal acquisition, an ornamental decoration, with him; but blossomed forth in him in fullest glory and grandeur.

Radhakrishnan was, and still is, one of the most celebrated writers of the present generation. His works are many and varied on philosophical, theological, ethical, educational, social and cultural subjects. He contributed also numerous articles to different well-known journals, which too, will prove to be of immense value to
generations to come.

But what is most felt after reading any of his valuable works or articles is its wonderful liveliness. Truly, his articles are not merely outer expressions of his inner thoughts, but, what is more, infinitely more, emblems and embodiments of his very life – life that merrily dances forth in the fortuitous, zigzag way of the world, removing all its obstacles in its own inner irresistible urge and boundless boldness. Hence, it is that his works, written in an incredibly simple, sublime, soft and serene way, are so very enchanting, enlivening, exhilarating to all. As a matter of fact, as is well known, it is very difficult to express very abstract and abstruse philosophical thoughts in easily intelligible and enchantingly sweet language. But Dr. Radhakrishnan, like the great and revered Rabindranath, is one of the few who could accomplish this apparently impossible feat. That is why his philosophical writings are not ordinary scholarly dissertations, but also melodious poetical perfections of great and permanent value.

Dr. Radhakrishnan is, indeed, a versatile genius – a great scholar, a great philosopher, a great seer, a great writer, a great orator, a great statesman, a great administrator, all combined.

Jawaharlal Nehru, who was one of his closest friends throughout, said about Radhakrishnan: “I join you in paying my tribute to our President, Dr. Radhakrishnan. He has served his country in many capacities. But above all, he is a great Teacher from whom all of us have learnt much and will continue to learn. It is India’s peculiar privilege to have a great philosopher, a great educationist and a great humanist as her President. That in itself shows the kind of men we honor and respect”.


NEW ELEMENT IN THE PERIODIC TABLE

Element: WOMEN

Symbol: WO+

Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. Boils at room temperature

2. Freezes without any known reason.

3. Melts if given special treatment.

4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.

5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Have great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stones
and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.

3. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES

1. Highly ornamental, good samples can increase your social value.

2. Can be great aid to administration.

TESTS

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.

2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen


THE GREATEST . . .

The greatest puzzle : LIFE

The greatest thought : GOD

The greatest mystery : DEATH

The greatest mistake : GIVING UP

The greatest need : COMMON SENSE

The greatest invention of the devil : WAR

The greatest secret of production : SAVING WASTE

The greatest bore : ONE WHO KEEPS TALKING AFTER HE HAS MADE HIS POINT

The greatest comfort : THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE DONE YOUR WORK WELL

The greatest sin : FEAR

The greatest blessing : GOOD HEALTH

The greatest law of nature : CAUSE AND EFFECT

The greatest gamble : SUBSTITUTING HOPE FOR FACT

The greatest joy : BEING NEEDED

The greatest opportunity : THE NEXT ONE

The greatest victory : VICTORY OVER YOURSELF

The greatest handicap : EGOTISM

The greatest loss : LOSS OF SELF-CONFIDENCE

The greatest waste : ALL THE TALENT & ABILITY THAT MOST OF US HAVE BUT NEVER QUITE GET AROUND TO USING

The greatest thing, bar none, in the world: LOVE


Tamil-Brahmin
One Tamil-Brahmin = Priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tamil-Brahmins = Maths tuition class.
Three Tamil-Brahmins = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tamil-Brahmins = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara

Bengali
One Bengali = Poet.
Two Bengalis = A film society.
Three Bengalis = Political party.
Four Bengalis = Two political parties.
More than four Bengali’s = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team.

Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = Booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = Caste killing.
Four Biharis = Entire literate population of Patna.

Punjabi
One Punjabi = 100 kg hulk named Twinky.
Two Punjabis = Twinky with his bigger brother Kinky.
Three Punjabis = Assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = Combined IQ equal to one.

Mallu
One Mallu = Coconut stall.
Two Mallus = A boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = Oil slick.

UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = A milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = Halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = A fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = Mosque.

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